He No Longer Can at the age of 98 - Francisco Goya
Old Man, you want to move but you can't. You want to live, but your life is almost over.You want to be happy, but how can you? Strange to think that you were once my age. You were once a newborn, a teenager, a worker. Now you're just an Old Man. I'm sorry I keep calling you Old Man, I don't mean to be degrading. I know your wrinkles don't define who you are. But what does? What does it matter what you were, if you're not anymore? The only thing that remains is in your head - your memories.Why does that even matter if they'll be gone once you're gone and your children's children are gone. Your life is meaningful. Only to you. One day you'll be gone. And in not too long, evidence of your existence will be gone too.
I see myself in you. I look at old photographs of myself and imagine how I would've never imagined to be where I am. Maybe you do the same thing. I look at your face. It's hard to see who you were. I don't know why I say were. I'm sorry. I don't mean to remind you of what you're not anymore.You are what you are when you are.
I see myself in you. I look at old photographs of myself and imagine how I would've never imagined to be where I am. Maybe you do the same thing. I look at your face. It's hard to see who you were. I don't know why I say were. I'm sorry. I don't mean to remind you of what you're not anymore.You are what you are when you are.
Your friends are deceased, your family is with their family. The only unconditional companion is your shadow. He will always be there for you, but he'll also remind you that it's the only shadow you see. I'm sorry everyone has left. I really am. I am mostly sorry because I see myself in you. This will be me at your experienced age. (Did you notice how I didn't say old age?) This will be me if I get to experience as much as you did. You are fortunate. You know how much life has to offer, more than anyone I know. Do you feel lucky for that? Or does knowing the experiences you have experienced and can experience if you are able to experience them make it harder for you to experience life right now? Apparently, life is about the experience. I don't think I've realized this yet. I will one day. I'm just afraid it'll be too late.
No puede ya con los 98 años. You no longer can with the 98 years. Your years are heavy. I can tell by the way you hunch over. They push you closer and closer to where your bones will remain. Getting closer and closer to your roots. You feel like a newborn. Dependent. You always talk about how handsome you used to be. But I can't tell from your face. Much like your mother couldn't tell how handsome you were to become the day you were born.
No puede ya con los 98 años. You no longer can with the 98 years. Your years are heavy. I can tell by the way you hunch over. They push you closer and closer to where your bones will remain. Getting closer and closer to your roots. You feel like a newborn. Dependent. You always talk about how handsome you used to be. But I can't tell from your face. Much like your mother couldn't tell how handsome you were to become the day you were born.
Your life seems dismal to me. I can't help to see you in black and white, much like a newspaper. Perhaps you see the world in color. Your legs are useless, you say. That won't stop you, but you have stopped. Everything behind you looks white, perhaps you are on your way to nothingness. Are you moving closer to it, or leaving it? I see you're wearing a cloak. Are you getting ready for the Grim Reaper? Not quite, you say, though my body is dead, my mind still remains.
3 comments:
carmen, i really like the story that you got from this simple black and white image -- I love the character that you built and the "conversation" with him. It really brings out so many things that people tend not to think about -- at least not until they see an older person and realize that they were also once young, that you too will someday be that older person. My favorite lines: "Your years are heavy. I can tell by the way you hunch over. They push you closer and closer to where your bones will remain. Getting closer and closer to your roots." This part kind of gave me a chill -- thanks :)
this is amazing!! i really enjoyed reading it.. it reminded me of a young child almost blabbing her thoughts, but those thoughts are so honest and true... and its something that everyone probably thinks or wants to say but never does out of respect and etiquette. And i never for a moment got lost in your writing, even though the words were at times so similar and tangled as a child would say it... i think it was so elegantly done!
"What's the meaning of life?" That's a loaded question, but thrown around a lot. What you wrote, is something I've always kind of thought as true: life is about experience. We're only here for a little while, and while our memories live on, that too is only temporary. Carpe diem!
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